“HE IS MY SON”
For anyone under the sun, the most important figures in this world are parents. They can never think wrong for their child. wether he is a criminal, ugly, loser, dishonest or any unacceptable person, it doesn’t matter to his parents, they will love him in all conditions. These lines for us are like preaching of a saint or lecture of an old man. And we all are completely agree to these lines, and if anyone tells us these things we certainly get irritated by the monotonous talk. But these became only thoughts going on constantly in my mind for last two days. Day before yesterday I went to see my cousin at Panchkula. I stayed there for two days. On day one at midnight I heard somebody shouting outside. I was in the bed on that time, I got up and went outside, there was a man around 40 years old. He was drunk and shouting at the closed door next to my cousin’s house. My cousin was also watching the whole scene with me. I asked him about the matter. Then he told me this shocking reality of the family living in his neighborhood. A retired PSU employee living with his wife. They have two sons and both are living separate. The younger one is working in some private firm. He has two children and the couple work hard to make both ends meet. The elder one is a drunkard and does nothing. His wife died from cancer a month ago. He has two daughters. Both are engaged and waiting to be married. The father of the drunkard man is retired and more than sixty five, but still working to earn his livelihood. He has tried every way to get his son settled. But all went vain. He spent his all savings to build two houses one for himself and one for his elder son and to buy one for the younger one. Recently he purchased a four wheeler goods vehicle for his elder son so that he earn sum money for the bread and butter of his family. But the son is good for nothing and always quarrels with his father. It was shocking to hear that he has beaten up his parents at number of occasions. Still his father is ready to look after his daughters. His mother cooks for him even if he comes late at night, drunk and always abusing his parents. He has sold the house his father made for him. Now his father is trying to earn more so that to mary his grand daughters.

Smoke “free” city
On May 15, I was on my way back from Pinjore. When I entered Chandigarh I saw city beautiful covered with banners with a picture of bamboo plant on them. City beautiful had become smoke-free. It was a really pleasant surprise for me. The first utterance was- "WOW". I started thinking about its consequences, benefits and all. Then I remembered the case when Bhutan government imposed a ban on tobacco. Even after the ban was imposed cigarettes were easily available at any small pan shop. The only difference was that they cost double after ban. This thought converted my pleasant surprise in to worry and I thought that if the administration fails to enforce the ban efficiently, it may harm the rapport of the city. Although I was arguing with myself that Chandigarh administration is better than any other when it comes to law enforcement. For instance; for two wheeler riders wearing helmet is mandatory everywhere, but it's in Chandigarh only where people don't ride without helmet and all credit goes to the administration for its firm attitude towards the law violators. This thought relaxed me a bit. But then the picture of my home state appeared in my mind when our then CM imposed a ban on liquor which proved to be a complete failure. It just provided the opportunity for smugglers who mushroomed in the state during that period. I was curious to see the consequences, effects, and the administration's capability in particular. And now it's been quite long and the flamboyant administration has failed this time. If it were for far flung corners of the city then it may not have been termed as failure but sector 17, which is known as the heart of the city beautiful is still coughing due to the stiffness of the smokers and failure of the administration. I was thinking that cigarettes would be still available on higher costs but I was wrong cigarettes here available at same costs and at any panwala (any small shop). It is easiest thing to get a cigarette there. Weather it is sector 15, 11 or any other so called posh area the story remains the same. Even men in uniform were seen smoking freely in public places. Are we helping the administration for successful enforcement of the ban? Is this SMOKE “FREE” CITY?
-Radhe.

Empathy
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s feelings and experience etc. It has been said that “to empathize is to see with the eyes of another to hear with the ears of another and to feel with the heart of another.”
In our day to day life, we come across many different people who hold many different viewpoints. To deal most effectively with those who have a deferent opinion to our own, empathy is an important communication technique to develop.
The origin of the word empathy dates back to the year 1897, when German psychologist Theodore Lipps coined the term “einfuhlung”(literally means “in feeling). He used the term to describe the emotional appreciation of another’s feelings. Empathy is a balanced curiosity leading to a deeper understanding of another human being; stated another way, empathy is the capacity to understand another person’s experience from that person’s frame of reference.
More simply stated “empathy is the ability to put oneself in another’s shoes.”
In order to develop empathy one must realize how difficult it is to practice this interpersonal skill. Empathy requires that we extend ourselves beyond the level of cultural and sociological understanding and try to make connections on the level of individual personality. Our own moods, feelings, emotions and attitudes change constantly, and it is even more challenging to predict the others from a different culture. Practicing empathy is a psychologically and emotionally demanding interpersonal skill, but one that is necessary for effective cross-cultural communication. Empathic communication is described as extending oneself into another person’s space in order to see things from the point of view of that person.
The ability to empathize is directly dependent on our ability to feel our own feelings and identify them.
If you have never felt a certain feeling, it will be hard for you to understand how another person is feeling. This holds equally true for pleasure and pain. If, for example, you have never put your hand in a flame, you will not know the pain of fire. If you have never felt rebellious or defiant, you will not understand those feelings. Reading about a feeling and intellectually knowing about it is very different than actually experiencing it for you.
Many people not know the differences between empathy and sympathy; I will present my understanding of the subject. Empathy means putting aside one’s own personal and cultural perspective of a situation and assuming an alternative perspective. Whereas sympathy carries connotations of pity and sufferer supporter social roles. Empathy assumes equality between two people or groups from different cultural backgrounds. While sympathy functions as a communicative strategy for those who share common values, empathy provides the best interface for cross cultural communication.
My presentation will be clarified by this example.
A man is talking about his father’s death, which had occurred a week earlier. As he talks about missing his father and his powerful love for him, the man’s voice gradually becomes filled with anguish and then he bursts into tears in front of a friend who is listening to him.
If the friend uses sympathy, she might think, for example: he is remembering his father with pain. Poor Roger. If the friend decides to verbalize her thoughts, she might say to the grieving man words such as: “I feel your pain.”
If the friend uses empathy, she might think, for example: he is remembering his father with pain and also pleasure of his love for him. If the friend decides to verbalize her thoughts, she might say to the grieving man words such as: “I feel your pain and also your great love for your father.”
This sharing of the painful feelings of another person is characteristic of both sympathy and empathy. However, the person using sympathy would pay more attention to the pain than to the love for the father whereas the person using empathy would pay equal attention to the pain and love.
I personally feel that one of humankind’s tragedies is the loss of countless opportunities for good relationships, emotional intimacy, and happy marriages because we rarely use our empathic listening with each other. Empathy and trust are a platform for effective understanding, communication and relationship.
In a relationship, it is very important to respect one another’s individuality and uniqueness. Even after many years together, healthy partners remain uniquely themselves. Unfortunately, too many couples believe they should be just like one another. This causes problems, often leading to criticism when these expectations of likeness are not met.
There is an old Sioux Indian prayer that gets the solution to this common problem. It says, “Oh great spirit, grant me the wisdom to walk in another’s moccasins before I criticize or pass judgment.”
While the word “empathy” is never used in bible, it is, in a sense, what the whole Gospel message is about. The apostle Paul encouraged empathy in Hebrews when he said: “remember those in prison as if you are mistreated as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourself were suffering.” He also said, “We who are not strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.”
There are some behaviors that interfere with empathy.
Constant self focus makes it impossible to gather and reflect on information about the other person. Empathy requires our attention be on our communication partner, and not on our own thoughts and feelings.
Stereotyped notions concerning gender, race, and culture often cause us to make assumptions and judgments about other people that are untrue and are obstacles to empathy.
Attitudes of superiority often result in remarks that are perceived as criticism or ridicule.
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creature of logic, but creature of emotion.”