Be The Change

Empathy
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s feelings and experience etc. It has been said that “to empathize is to see with the eyes of another to hear with the ears of another and to feel with the heart of another.”
In our day to day life, we come across many different people who hold many different viewpoints. To deal most effectively with those who have a deferent opinion to our own, empathy is an important communication technique to develop.
The origin of the word empathy dates back to the year 1897, when German psychologist Theodore Lipps coined the term “einfuhlung”(literally means “in feeling). He used the term to describe the emotional appreciation of another’s feelings. Empathy is a balanced curiosity leading to a deeper understanding of another human being; stated another way, empathy is the capacity to understand another person’s experience from that person’s frame of reference.
More simply stated “empathy is the ability to put oneself in another’s shoes.”
In order to develop empathy one must realize how difficult it is to practice this interpersonal skill. Empathy requires that we extend ourselves beyond the level of cultural and sociological understanding and try to make connections on the level of individual personality. Our own moods, feelings, emotions and attitudes change constantly, and it is even more challenging to predict the others from a different culture. Practicing empathy is a psychologically and emotionally demanding interpersonal skill, but one that is necessary for effective cross-cultural communication. Empathic communication is described as extending oneself into another person’s space in order to see things from the point of view of that person.
The ability to empathize is directly dependent on our ability to feel our own feelings and identify them.
If you have never felt a certain feeling, it will be hard for you to understand how another person is feeling. This holds equally true for pleasure and pain. If, for example, you have never put your hand in a flame, you will not know the pain of fire. If you have never felt rebellious or defiant, you will not understand those feelings. Reading about a feeling and intellectually knowing about it is very different than actually experiencing it for you.
Many people not know the differences between empathy and sympathy; I will present my understanding of the subject. Empathy means putting aside one’s own personal and cultural perspective of a situation and assuming an alternative perspective. Whereas sympathy carries connotations of pity and sufferer supporter social roles. Empathy assumes equality between two people or groups from different cultural backgrounds. While sympathy functions as a communicative strategy for those who share common values, empathy provides the best interface for cross cultural communication.
My presentation will be clarified by this example.
A man is talking about his father’s death, which had occurred a week earlier. As he talks about missing his father and his powerful love for him, the man’s voice gradually becomes filled with anguish and then he bursts into tears in front of a friend who is listening to him.
If the friend uses sympathy, she might think, for example: he is remembering his father with pain. Poor Roger. If the friend decides to verbalize her thoughts, she might say to the grieving man words such as: “I feel your pain.”
If the friend uses empathy, she might think, for example: he is remembering his father with pain and also pleasure of his love for him. If the friend decides to verbalize her thoughts, she might say to the grieving man words such as: “I feel your pain and also your great love for your father.”
This sharing of the painful feelings of another person is characteristic of both sympathy and empathy. However, the person using sympathy would pay more attention to the pain than to the love for the father whereas the person using empathy would pay equal attention to the pain and love.
I personally feel that one of humankind’s tragedies is the loss of countless opportunities for good relationships, emotional intimacy, and happy marriages because we rarely use our empathic listening with each other. Empathy and trust are a platform for effective understanding, communication and relationship.
In a relationship, it is very important to respect one another’s individuality and uniqueness. Even after many years together, healthy partners remain uniquely themselves. Unfortunately, too many couples believe they should be just like one another. This causes problems, often leading to criticism when these expectations of likeness are not met.
There is an old Sioux Indian prayer that gets the solution to this common problem. It says, “Oh great spirit, grant me the wisdom to walk in another’s moccasins before I criticize or pass judgment.”
While the word “empathy” is never used in bible, it is, in a sense, what the whole Gospel message is about. The apostle Paul encouraged empathy in Hebrews when he said: “remember those in prison as if you are mistreated as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourself were suffering.” He also said, “We who are not strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.”
There are some behaviors that interfere with empathy.
Constant self focus makes it impossible to gather and reflect on information about the other person. Empathy requires our attention be on our communication partner, and not on our own thoughts and feelings.
Stereotyped notions concerning gender, race, and culture often cause us to make assumptions and judgments about other people that are untrue and are obstacles to empathy.
Attitudes of superiority often result in remarks that are perceived as criticism or ridicule.
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creature of logic, but creature of emotion.”